Bruce's Bad Idea Button
by DimensionWarper
Summary: Ultron was too far. The fire-breathing, sentient toaster? The last straw. (Cross-posted on AO3)


' Why did you have to call us in for a meeting if nothing actually serious is happening? ' Clint signed, his hair messy and a cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of him. His shirt, which read "I'm a bad bitch, you can't kill me." across the front in bold, sparkly letters clearly belonged to Natasha, who was also present, sitting next to him silently, dressed in workout clothes and wearing her Widows Bites. She had been training before they had been called in for a meeting, unlike Clint, she stuck to a rigid daily schedule.

Steve and Bucky weren't present, the pair of them had only gotten back from a mission this morning, and were left to sleep. No one really wanted to wake up the protective super-soldier/ex-assassin and his boyfriend unless absolutely necessary. Thor wasn't at the meeting either, but as he was on Asgard, that was to be expected.

Bruce sat next to Coulson, looking somewhat nervous, and Tony next to him, who was busy playing with something on his phone.

"In light of recent events," Phil began, sitting up straight. "Myself and Director Fury think that it's best if we were to give Doctor Banner here executive control over some of the more… outlandish decisions made here."

"Is this about the sentient toaster?" Tony asked, without looking up from his phone, "Because I promise, that was not my fault. Absolutely not. Well, maybe somewhat. Twelve percent."

Phil ignored this."As I was saying, we have elected to give Doctor Banner-"

"Bruce," Bruce interjected. "Bruce," Phill agreed. "We've elected to give Bruce the final say on any and all decisions made here at the Tower.

He popped open the briefcase sitting on the table next to him, pulling out a large, red, and very tempting looking button and placing it on the table in front of him. BRUCE'S BAD IDEA BUTTON was written across the top of the button in bold raised lettering.

"Bruce's Bad Idea Button?" Natasha read. 'What is that supposed to do?' Clint asked, signing rapidly at Phil.

"Well, as I was about to say, if Bruce is to press the b-" He slapped Clint's hand away, who was already reaching out to press the button. "If Bruce presses the button, the Tower will go into lockdown mode, all power to the labs will be cut and WiFi will be turned off until either I or the Director can determine whether or not the idea was a truly bad one, and who needs to be stopped. Or have ice cream privileges taken away. Which, knowing you all, I suspect it will be."

At this, Tony looked somewhat upset, "I can't just have my labs shut down whenever things get slightly risky! Just because some of my inventions may or may not have the potential to destroy the universe as we know it that doesn't mean you can just… remove my ability to science! Tell him Bruce!"

Bruce, who looked more than slightly uncomfortable to be put on the spot kept his mouth firmly shut, probably for the best.

"Seriously?! Betrayed by my own Science Bro (trademark pending)?" Tony leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms dramatically. Natasha snorted at the childish outburst, which was the closest to a full blown belly laugh that anyone but Clint (and, once on a blue moon, Bucky) could get from her.

"Trust us, this was the last option we could come up with. All 2,346 babysitters we contacted politely declined and even Ant Man said that there is, quote, 'no amount of money in the world that could make me want to spend any lengthy amount of time with the Avengers, sorry Cap'."

Tony groaned, pulling his phone back out and sending off what looked like a series of rapid-fire texts.

"I assume we're done then?" Natasha asked, already standing up, Clint right behind her, firing off a mock salute at Phil as he left the room.

[Avengers Tower, three days later]

"Tony I swear to God I will press the button if you don't put that quantum splicer down right now."

"Okay, okay I'm p- HA!"

"TONY GIVE ME THE BUTTON RIGHT NOW OR I SW-"

In the background Natasha watched the two squabbling over the fake decoy button, the actual button on the table next to her. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards as she watched Tony accidentally spill a beaker of some mysterious green liquid over Bruce, who promptly started smoking. She took the last sip of her coffee (black) before setting the empty mug down and walking out of the room, the button in hand.


End file.
